I just returned from NYC where I had to deal with family crisis: my mother is showing signs of memory problems; my father had a pacemaker put in and is now having a biopsy for two tumors on his thyroid. Meanwhile my oldest son wants to relocate to Los Angeles as his skills and talents require him to live and work there; but he just downsized his living arrangements to save money and I had to help him organize his new smaller quarters and streamline his belongings: what to keep what to toss. I am an expert at downsizing but admittedly it is hard to do on ones own. So Mom to the rescue.
Meanwhile upon my arrival the blizzard hit – luckily for resilient New Yorkers it was just another day in the trenches. I don’t mind the cold or the snow really. It was the layers of coats, boots and the de rigueur scarves, hats, gloves etc…that literally weighed me down.
But the heaviest burden is seeing my parents on their slow descent into the aging abyss-that really took it’s toll on me. The weight of all those emotions coming at me at once – top that off with my eldest sister (I am the youngest of three) suffering from extreme bi-polar disorder like Glen Close describes her sister’s journey into and out of mental illness in her latest book.
And Wow – as they say “We having some fun now.”
And so this brings me to compare this series of events converging as listening to Marilyn Manson’s concert which I caught on Thursday night- his first in NYC to promote his latest album.
I wasn’t sure what his new material would bring. Chaos could describe it; but that chaos is really a misnomer something an untrained ear would hear. I heard harmony in his dissonance and when you listen closely it is tantamount to a “tubular,” experience.
Let me explain: amongst the head banging crowd I fell in or should I say surrendered to the digital matrix – I found myself conducting what I heard as a very complex mathematical arrangements of seemingly disparate yet cohesive frequencies.
“So what’s the frequency Kenneth? Its whatever one hears – whether loud and angry or a storm of calm. Somehow Marilyn Mason cleared my head – or maybe chased away- my mental demons the cloudiness – by his harmonious chaos- now that is revelatory that listening to chaos calmed and re-assured my chaotic mind- caused by living in an UN-natural silence in a nature preserve. Clearly creativity for me cannot come where Peace and Quiet exist – and that is why I am selling my home – because I NEED Chaos to feel alive and be creative.
Lesson learned: My mind is imperfectly perfect and harmoniously discordant and that is were I thrive and survive! Thanks Marilyn. I needed your chaos to “free my mind- Of this I am surely crazily happy to have learned.
Whilst in the midst of chaos I feel Sane and at Peace with myself. Music truly soothed my savage mind. So I wish you and your mind freedom to explore the chaos within; “And The rest will follow.”